Well, life continues on, and I suppose I'm enjoying the ride. :)
I went to a burner party Saturday night with L. It was at a club up in Reno, and I had a really great time. L is a fantastic girl, and I felt like, not only did we dance around and have a goofy good time, but we had some really great conversation, as well. I went all out with a crazy costume, and at the party, I got a flyer for another one in early May--I've already ordered the fabric so I can sew up a fabulous costume for that one, too! L went out to dinner with Hubby and me on Friday, and he really likes her, too. I think we'll be seeing a lot more of her in the future. The bonus: she has two roommates, so there's the potential for lots of group gatherings!
Hubby and I have been having some really great conversations lately. We've been discussing and redefining our relationship, and we're trying a new approach that offers the possibility of increased happiness for both of us. We've certainly opened up the channels of communication for a much more honest, open relationship. Suddenly, we can talk about things that I couldn't even bear to think of before. I'm feeling much more secure in our relationship, much more confident in myself, and more attached to him than ever. This new path may not work out in the end, but I think it's going to bring us closer together, regardless.
We're on our final week of C's spring break. Meaning I have to wash all her clothes this week and prepare myself to start waking up early again come Monday. The good news about her going back to school is that I'll be getting back to the gym regularly (whereas I haven't been able to go at all with her home all day), and with the recent change in my diet, I need that extra little push so I can start losing weight again. I feel like I just got used to sleeping in a little bit and having more relaxed morning routines, and now I have to go back to a rigid routine, which is a little bit of a bummer, but I've always done better with structure. So has C. This will be good for us.
I only have a little over a month left in this semester. I feel like the end is rushing up on me really fast, and that gives me the sensation that I'm forgetting things, not getting things done, falling behind... When I'm actually not. It's very disconcerting. On top of that, my desktop is still broken, and working on this old laptop is... well... less than satisfactory. Especially for writing papers (which I have to do this week). The replacement parts for my desktop simply can't come fast enough!
Life is good. I have no complaints, for sure. Things just keep slowly moving forward, and I'm trudging along with it. I feel like something exciting is on the horizon...
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Showing posts with label marriage. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
How We Met
When I was 14, I was an unhappy, introverted, nerdy little girl who had no real friends and was convinced she was happier that way. Then I took the SATs as part of Duke TIP, and I scored really well, so I was invited to all these summer academic programs. My parents decided it would be best if I went to one, that maybe I'd find a sense of belonging among other academically-minded kids my age. I fought tooth and nail, but at least they let me pick the course, so I picked a Shakespeare class and went to Natchitoches, Louisiana for 3 weeks of studies.
I had the time of my life! I met some of the greatest people who have ever entered my life, and I developed a shy girl's from-a-great-distance crush on the most popular boy at nerd camp.
The next summer, I couldn't WAIT to go back. I was incredibly excited because this summer, they were offering a course in Musical Theatre, which sounded like a blast. I nervously prepared my audition tape, was thrilled when I was accepted into the class, and showed up for my first day of class. We watched Into The Woods, then began preparations for auditions for roles. I was ecstatic when I was cast as The Baker's Wife, the role I wanted, and wasn't exactly upset when my secret crush, who was also in the class, was cast to play my husband, The Baker.
And so, at 15, a professor for a summer course married me to the cutest, most brilliant, most amazing man in the world. A few years later, when I was moving into my dorm for my freshman year of college, my husband, who just happened to be one of my RAs, showed up and helped me move my stuff. He had seen my name on his list of residents and rushed over.
For years, we were just friends. One of us was always in a relationship when the other was single. Suddenly, in 2006, I found myself single while he was, so I invited him out for a night of dancing with my friends. That night, I proposed to him. He didn't exactly give me the answer I was hoping for (his exact words were, "I'd rather date you first"), but it was good enough. We were engaged within days and married in no time at all.
Growing up, he was the guy to whom I compared every other guy. "He's cute, but not as smart as..." "He's smart, but not as kind as..." "He's kind, but not as cute as..." Seriously, this man was my ideal man, and I always knew it on some level. He was the first man (at 15) that I ever told I loved, and I guess I just never stopped. It took us 8 years to get together, but we managed to find our way into each other's lives for good.
I married the man of my dreams, my first love, the man who played my husband in the very first musical I was in. Every day, I am grateful that my parents forced me to spend that first summer at nerd camp, that I went back, that we were cast as husband and wife, and that we later cast ourselves as husband and wife. Sometimes, life really is like a musical, complete with happily ever afters.
I had the time of my life! I met some of the greatest people who have ever entered my life, and I developed a shy girl's from-a-great-distance crush on the most popular boy at nerd camp.
The next summer, I couldn't WAIT to go back. I was incredibly excited because this summer, they were offering a course in Musical Theatre, which sounded like a blast. I nervously prepared my audition tape, was thrilled when I was accepted into the class, and showed up for my first day of class. We watched Into The Woods, then began preparations for auditions for roles. I was ecstatic when I was cast as The Baker's Wife, the role I wanted, and wasn't exactly upset when my secret crush, who was also in the class, was cast to play my husband, The Baker.
And so, at 15, a professor for a summer course married me to the cutest, most brilliant, most amazing man in the world. A few years later, when I was moving into my dorm for my freshman year of college, my husband, who just happened to be one of my RAs, showed up and helped me move my stuff. He had seen my name on his list of residents and rushed over.
For years, we were just friends. One of us was always in a relationship when the other was single. Suddenly, in 2006, I found myself single while he was, so I invited him out for a night of dancing with my friends. That night, I proposed to him. He didn't exactly give me the answer I was hoping for (his exact words were, "I'd rather date you first"), but it was good enough. We were engaged within days and married in no time at all.
Growing up, he was the guy to whom I compared every other guy. "He's cute, but not as smart as..." "He's smart, but not as kind as..." "He's kind, but not as cute as..." Seriously, this man was my ideal man, and I always knew it on some level. He was the first man (at 15) that I ever told I loved, and I guess I just never stopped. It took us 8 years to get together, but we managed to find our way into each other's lives for good.
I married the man of my dreams, my first love, the man who played my husband in the very first musical I was in. Every day, I am grateful that my parents forced me to spend that first summer at nerd camp, that I went back, that we were cast as husband and wife, and that we later cast ourselves as husband and wife. Sometimes, life really is like a musical, complete with happily ever afters.
Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Hubby Outdid Himself
All my life, I've hated Valentine's Day.
I'm not a cynic. I believe in love--true love, even. Love that conquers all. I love romance. So I didn't hate Valentine's Day because it was too mushy, or even because it was too commercial. I hated it because it never failed to disappoint me.
For as long as I can remember, all I have wanted out of Valentine's Day was to receive a fluffy white kitten with a red bow around its neck. For a few years, I wanted a tabby, for a while a calico... But that kitten with the red bow around its neck, that was my constant dream. I ACHED for it. Since I was 6... Perhaps even younger, although that's as far back as I can remember. And I never got it.
I got flowers. I got chocolates. I even got a spa gift certificate one year... But never that kitten.
This year, we adopted Duchess Poofyhuntershire, and she was to come home on Valentine's Day. I had already written off the day as gifted.
So this afternoon, while I went to the vet to pick up the newest member of our family, Hubby drove around town and picked up a dozen yellow roses (he always gives me yellow because of my Texan heritage), a heart-shaped box of chocolates...
...and a stuffed kitten with a Hubby-curled red ribbon tied around its neck.
He really is the best husband ever. <3
I'm not a cynic. I believe in love--true love, even. Love that conquers all. I love romance. So I didn't hate Valentine's Day because it was too mushy, or even because it was too commercial. I hated it because it never failed to disappoint me.
For as long as I can remember, all I have wanted out of Valentine's Day was to receive a fluffy white kitten with a red bow around its neck. For a few years, I wanted a tabby, for a while a calico... But that kitten with the red bow around its neck, that was my constant dream. I ACHED for it. Since I was 6... Perhaps even younger, although that's as far back as I can remember. And I never got it.
I got flowers. I got chocolates. I even got a spa gift certificate one year... But never that kitten.
This year, we adopted Duchess Poofyhuntershire, and she was to come home on Valentine's Day. I had already written off the day as gifted.
So this afternoon, while I went to the vet to pick up the newest member of our family, Hubby drove around town and picked up a dozen yellow roses (he always gives me yellow because of my Texan heritage), a heart-shaped box of chocolates...
...and a stuffed kitten with a Hubby-curled red ribbon tied around its neck.
He really is the best husband ever. <3
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
Starting Over
In today's mail, I received a DVD with a slideshow of pictures taken the day Hubby and I renewed our wedding vows in October. After a tough EMDR/therapy session and a long, emotional afternoon, seeing those images was just what I needed.
The hubster and I hadn't been getting along very well for a while. We were teetering near the brink of marital disaster, and I wondered what life would be like if I took C and walked away. All around me, marriages were crumbling, and family members were just walking away from years of commitment without any obvious troubles, so it was easy to imagine that I could do it, too.
I thought about it for a long while, and I realized that I had everything to lose and nothing to gain by walking away. I saw that I had turned my back on a love that I cherished, and I had cut myself off from the best friend I had ever known. I resolved to work th
ings out for myself so that we could be happy together, like we had been in the beginning. Then we hit rock bottom. For a week, it looked like there wasn't any choice. We were absolutely doomed. But then... Out of nowhere, hope! It started with a simple, "I love you." It involved many tearful hours of intense conversations about where we were, what we wanted moving forward, and how to get there. Somehow, we fought our way out of the darkness and back into the light.
Love may not conquer all, but it sure can conquer a hell of a lot! We decided that, coming out of our darkest hour, the best way to move forward was to start over, in a sense. We decided to renew our vows. We planned a small, casual event on our alma mater campus and invited a handful of close friends to witness. Then we went to a favorite pub and hung out with fabulous people as a very happy re-married couple. It was truly one of the greatest days of my life. We wrote out our promises to one another and read them in front of the people we loved, while C happily roamed around and played in friends' purses. ;) Honestly, it was beautiful. The only thing about it I would change is the minor hair dye disaster I experienced that made my hair look rather like a Jolly Rancher on our special day!
One of the conditions of our blissful reunion of souls, suggested by myself and agreed upon by my darling, was that I seek out therapy for the PTSD that had been lurking in the shadows and secretly running my life for nearly a decade. He, of course, had always seen it there, and had done everything he could to nourish and support me. I, on the other hand, had been in hardcore denial, because being a victim seemed to mean being weak. As it turns out, it's quite the other way around. Being a victim and identifying yourself as such gives you the strength you need to start to undo the damage of your traumas. Hubby knew this, and he quietly and gently nudged me along until I was ready to realize it for myself.
I do not write about my PTSD or my mental health issues in seek of pity. In fact, the very idea that someone would pity me for any aspect of my life seems ludicrous, because everywhere I look, I see blessings. I write about these things because expressing them helps me to empower myself, to overcome the obstacles in my life, and because there have been countless times when I felt all alone in the world, and I want others out there like myself to be able to stumble across this blog and see that nope, they're not the only ones struggling to make it in this world.
This blog is about a journey. A journey to reclaim my life, reclaim power over my life, and reclaim the unbridled joy I felt before a few jerks cruelly yanked it away. I'm taking it BACK, and how! I still have a long way to go before I'm fully healthy, but I make incredibly progress on a daily basis, and I can't remember ever having felt more loved, more special, or more fulfilled.
The hubster and I hadn't been getting along very well for a while. We were teetering near the brink of marital disaster, and I wondered what life would be like if I took C and walked away. All around me, marriages were crumbling, and family members were just walking away from years of commitment without any obvious troubles, so it was easy to imagine that I could do it, too.
I thought about it for a long while, and I realized that I had everything to lose and nothing to gain by walking away. I saw that I had turned my back on a love that I cherished, and I had cut myself off from the best friend I had ever known. I resolved to work th
ings out for myself so that we could be happy together, like we had been in the beginning. Then we hit rock bottom. For a week, it looked like there wasn't any choice. We were absolutely doomed. But then... Out of nowhere, hope! It started with a simple, "I love you." It involved many tearful hours of intense conversations about where we were, what we wanted moving forward, and how to get there. Somehow, we fought our way out of the darkness and back into the light.
Love may not conquer all, but it sure can conquer a hell of a lot! We decided that, coming out of our darkest hour, the best way to move forward was to start over, in a sense. We decided to renew our vows. We planned a small, casual event on our alma mater campus and invited a handful of close friends to witness. Then we went to a favorite pub and hung out with fabulous people as a very happy re-married couple. It was truly one of the greatest days of my life. We wrote out our promises to one another and read them in front of the people we loved, while C happily roamed around and played in friends' purses. ;) Honestly, it was beautiful. The only thing about it I would change is the minor hair dye disaster I experienced that made my hair look rather like a Jolly Rancher on our special day!
One of the conditions of our blissful reunion of souls, suggested by myself and agreed upon by my darling, was that I seek out therapy for the PTSD that had been lurking in the shadows and secretly running my life for nearly a decade. He, of course, had always seen it there, and had done everything he could to nourish and support me. I, on the other hand, had been in hardcore denial, because being a victim seemed to mean being weak. As it turns out, it's quite the other way around. Being a victim and identifying yourself as such gives you the strength you need to start to undo the damage of your traumas. Hubby knew this, and he quietly and gently nudged me along until I was ready to realize it for myself.
I do not write about my PTSD or my mental health issues in seek of pity. In fact, the very idea that someone would pity me for any aspect of my life seems ludicrous, because everywhere I look, I see blessings. I write about these things because expressing them helps me to empower myself, to overcome the obstacles in my life, and because there have been countless times when I felt all alone in the world, and I want others out there like myself to be able to stumble across this blog and see that nope, they're not the only ones struggling to make it in this world.
This blog is about a journey. A journey to reclaim my life, reclaim power over my life, and reclaim the unbridled joy I felt before a few jerks cruelly yanked it away. I'm taking it BACK, and how! I still have a long way to go before I'm fully healthy, but I make incredibly progress on a daily basis, and I can't remember ever having felt more loved, more special, or more fulfilled.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Christmas Travels
Bright and early tomorrow morning, we'll be flying to Austin, TX for Christmas with my family. We always spend Dec. 23rd in East Texas (near Beaumont), visiting my dad's side of the family and doing presents with them. The 24th is spent in Houston, where there's a huge family gathering at my maternal grandparents' house (we're talking 40-60 people in one sprawling house in the country), where the kids do a gift exchange, everyone eats, the wine flows freely, and we sing Christmas carols in the living room. Then we drive back to Austin to spend Christmas morning at my parents' house.
Christmas is my favorite time of year, and Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. The family togetherness, the connection to my gajillions of cousins, the food, the singing, the warmth... It's just incredible. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed, and I have to take a few minutes to go sit in the walk-in closet in the guest suite until my nerves defray a bit, but when I come back out, no one says anything about it, and I just slip right back into the festivities. It's grand.
Last year, I missed Christmas Eve because I was on a gig with the band. This year, I'm thrilled that the hubby, C, and I will all be a part of the celebration. One year, it actually snowed in Houston on Christmas Eve, so we all went outside and sang Frosty the Snowman in the snow. It was absolutely magical.
Of course, our trip will encompass more than just Christmas with all the pieces of my family. We're staying through New Year's Eve, our anniversary, and New Year's Day, hubby's birthday. I know hubby is anxious about spending two weeks with my family (in-laws stress everyone out, even if they're great in-laws like my parents), but he's keeping the grumbling to a minimum because he knows how important this is to me. Next year, he'll be working through the Christmas season and won't be able to take off long enough to travel, so we'll be apart for Christmas. It works out that way every other year, which is why me working out of town last Christmas wasn't a big deal (except that it meant missing Christmas Eve in Houston!).
This year has been hard on our marriage. We hit some speed bumps along the way, but we pulled through it together. We renewed our vows in October, so, in a way, this is almost like our first Christmas together. Certainly it's our first Christmas since we've been this close and strong in our relationship. I can't wait!
We're celebrating a mini-Christmas tonight at home with the gifts that didn't get shipped to my parents' house. I don't think hubby sent any of my gifts to Texas, whereas I sent all but two of his down there so he'd have them to open on Christmas Day, on our anniversary, and on his birthday. We're not going to do a fancy Christmas dinner tonight or anything more than exchange gifts, really, because we're trying to cut back on spending, and it'd be foolish to cook a huge meal and have to throw away the leftovers because they'd spoil before we get back. Besides, we have to do things like pack for the trip and assemble our new guest bed tonight. ;)
I don't know how active I'll be here while we're visiting my parents. I may post a brief message or two from my cell phone if there's anything interesting to share. Hopefully I'll think to snap a picture of the New Year's Eve "hubby's birthday" fireworks over Lady Bird Lake and post that, just to be festive, but I know you'll all forgive me if I don't spend my anniversary/my husband's birthday blogging. ;)
I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday season, however you choose to spend it, and I wish you all joy and warmth in your hearts.
<3, WK
Christmas is my favorite time of year, and Christmas Eve is my favorite day of the year. The family togetherness, the connection to my gajillions of cousins, the food, the singing, the warmth... It's just incredible. Sometimes, I get overwhelmed, and I have to take a few minutes to go sit in the walk-in closet in the guest suite until my nerves defray a bit, but when I come back out, no one says anything about it, and I just slip right back into the festivities. It's grand.
Last year, I missed Christmas Eve because I was on a gig with the band. This year, I'm thrilled that the hubby, C, and I will all be a part of the celebration. One year, it actually snowed in Houston on Christmas Eve, so we all went outside and sang Frosty the Snowman in the snow. It was absolutely magical.
Of course, our trip will encompass more than just Christmas with all the pieces of my family. We're staying through New Year's Eve, our anniversary, and New Year's Day, hubby's birthday. I know hubby is anxious about spending two weeks with my family (in-laws stress everyone out, even if they're great in-laws like my parents), but he's keeping the grumbling to a minimum because he knows how important this is to me. Next year, he'll be working through the Christmas season and won't be able to take off long enough to travel, so we'll be apart for Christmas. It works out that way every other year, which is why me working out of town last Christmas wasn't a big deal (except that it meant missing Christmas Eve in Houston!).
This year has been hard on our marriage. We hit some speed bumps along the way, but we pulled through it together. We renewed our vows in October, so, in a way, this is almost like our first Christmas together. Certainly it's our first Christmas since we've been this close and strong in our relationship. I can't wait!
We're celebrating a mini-Christmas tonight at home with the gifts that didn't get shipped to my parents' house. I don't think hubby sent any of my gifts to Texas, whereas I sent all but two of his down there so he'd have them to open on Christmas Day, on our anniversary, and on his birthday. We're not going to do a fancy Christmas dinner tonight or anything more than exchange gifts, really, because we're trying to cut back on spending, and it'd be foolish to cook a huge meal and have to throw away the leftovers because they'd spoil before we get back. Besides, we have to do things like pack for the trip and assemble our new guest bed tonight. ;)
I don't know how active I'll be here while we're visiting my parents. I may post a brief message or two from my cell phone if there's anything interesting to share. Hopefully I'll think to snap a picture of the New Year's Eve "hubby's birthday" fireworks over Lady Bird Lake and post that, just to be festive, but I know you'll all forgive me if I don't spend my anniversary/my husband's birthday blogging. ;)
I hope all of you have a wonderful holiday season, however you choose to spend it, and I wish you all joy and warmth in your hearts.
<3, WK
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