Summer Vacation

Today was C's last day of school for the term. She had a barbecue and bouncy house at the preschool, and I wish more than anything I had been there to see her bouncing around and laughing her head off. :D Now, we have seven weeks of summer vacation. SEVEN WEEKS. Of having her all day. Meaning no "free time" to go to the grocery store without her yelling and grabbing at everything she sees. No quiet brunches with my, well, imaginary friends, I suppose, since I no longer have people in the area to brunch with, heh. Seven weeks of caring for her 24/7 without those precious 16 hours a week to go to the salon, go to the gym, run errands... And all while my own school is starting back up for the summer term. Whee! Life is an adventure, LOL.

The new meds seem to be working remarkably well. I haven't had any mood issues whatsoever; the adjustment was pretty seamless. The only pitfall seems to be that they make me incredibly drowsy. It's not like the last meds, which made me pass out without warning behind the wheel of a car... This is gradual, a heaviness that drifts in like a slow-moving fog and takes over. That being said, I've been napping a lot lately. I'm hoping that will wear off as I get used to the new prescription, and, indeed, I slept much less today than I have been sleeping, so I'm taking that as a sign of progress!

It's great to be in a show again. Rehearsals are something I look forward to, and the work is... well, gratifying. I feel like I'm creating something again, like I'm collaborating creatively, and like I'm working toward an attainable end goal. In many ways, I feel like I'm starting over, trying to remember skills that I haven't practiced in half a decade... But it feels SO GOOD. I can't believe I've been doing anything else with my time for this long.

Inspiration in Innocence

I wonder why I don't draw more daily inspiration from my child. C has several disabilities, to be sure. She doesn't function anywhere near the level of other 4-year-olds. She's "special." "Delayed." And a host of other labels, to be sure...

When you strip all those labels away, though, what you have is a kid who truly LOVES life. She loves to laugh, and she'll find any excuse to burst out in uproarious laughter. She'll turn absolutely anything into a game. When she's told no, she finds another way to go about getting what she wants. Nothing stops her, nothing breaks her spirit, and she is ALWAYS grinning. What a great way to live life!

She is, of course, completely oblivious to the fact that she's not like other kids her age... And why shouldn't she be? What could she possibly gain by knowing that the world sees her as somehow imperfect or incomplete? In her eyes, life is beautiful. Nothing gets her down. Everything is a wonder...

Sometimes, when I'm feeling down or defeated, I really need to just take a look at my kid. Instead of seeing the dreams I had for her that won't come true, I need to focus on the joy in her life. Instead of concentrating on how I can't be all the mother she needs, I need to join in the laughter, become a part of the game, and just enjoy being with her. She's an incredible kid, and she has a lot to teach me, if only I'll open my eyes and ears...