I wonder why I don't draw more daily inspiration from my child. C has several disabilities, to be sure. She doesn't function anywhere near the level of other 4-year-olds. She's "special." "Delayed." And a host of other labels, to be sure...
When you strip all those labels away, though, what you have is a kid who truly LOVES life. She loves to laugh, and she'll find any excuse to burst out in uproarious laughter. She'll turn absolutely anything into a game. When she's told no, she finds another way to go about getting what she wants. Nothing stops her, nothing breaks her spirit, and she is ALWAYS grinning. What a great way to live life!
She is, of course, completely oblivious to the fact that she's not like other kids her age... And why shouldn't she be? What could she possibly gain by knowing that the world sees her as somehow imperfect or incomplete? In her eyes, life is beautiful. Nothing gets her down. Everything is a wonder...
Sometimes, when I'm feeling down or defeated, I really need to just take a look at my kid. Instead of seeing the dreams I had for her that won't come true, I need to focus on the joy in her life. Instead of concentrating on how I can't be all the mother she needs, I need to join in the laughter, become a part of the game, and just enjoy being with her. She's an incredible kid, and she has a lot to teach me, if only I'll open my eyes and ears...
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label happiness. Show all posts
Friday, June 1, 2012
Monday, May 21, 2012
And Sometimes, Dreams Come True!
I can hardly believe it. My head is spinning, my feet haven't touched the ground... I auditioned yesterday for a local production of The Tempest (which just so happens to be the first play I ever did, waaaaay back in 10th grade--AND the play in which my first-ever kiss occurred--ON STAGE!!). I went in prepared, professional, and expecting great things of myself. I didn't expect a role, because these people had never seen me before and didn't know me from Adam. I didn't expect applause or congratulations. I didn't expect anyone to acknowledge me, or my valiant attempts at returning to the stage after more than half a decade away. I expected nothing from them, and everything from myself. I delivered.
I wasn't nervous. I read with confidence. I didn't hesitate to try anything they asked of me. I walked in with head held high, and I left two inches taller than when I had come in. I was PROUD of myself... For the first time in *I don't know how long.*
This evening, I got the call. I got a part! With plenty of stage time, a handful of important lines, and OHMYGOSH A REAL PART IN A REAL PLAY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE GRADUATING UNIVERSITY!!
This comes at an interesting time, because, as we all know, I've struggled very heavily with PTSD this year. I've gone through a great deal, and I've journeyed a long way to find inner peace and strength in my life. Additionally, as I mentioned before, I passed out behind the wheel on Friday and ran off the road, wrecking Hubby's car. This was the final straw for my current meds, which means I have to change them--tomorrow. I'm anticipating a couple of weeks where I'm not sure what I'm feeling, or where I feel very little (that's typically the case when I transition: I go a bit numb). I was feeling anxious about that, but now! NOW! I have something glorious to keep me on Cloud Nine for the next two months!!
My readers have seen me fluctuate heavily in the very recent past. First, I was bursting with inspiration and optimism. Next, I was in a pit of despair. Well, nearly killing myself on Friday gave me the final kick in the seat that I needed to get out and start to make things happen. No more excuses. If I want happiness, I have to go out and GET IT, instead of waiting for it to come to me. I spent ALL DAY Friday preparing for this audition, shopping for an appropriate outfit, hunting down my actin' shoes, planning my hair and makeup, taking self-portraits so I'd have something resembling a headshot, updating my horribly out-of-date and dusty resume... I turned a very scary moment into a moment of reawakening. It gave me the courage I needed to go out and TRY...
...And I succeeded! :D
So, of my 3 goals recently set (to lose 30 lbs, to get my voice back in shape, and to be on stage before the end of 2013), I am currently ACTIVELY working toward the first two, and I've managed to reach the third. The one that mattered the most to me is becoming a reality right before my eyes. I am coming back to the stage, and it feels like coming HOME.
I couldn't possibly be any happier than I am RIGHT NOW.
Dreams really DO come true!
I wasn't nervous. I read with confidence. I didn't hesitate to try anything they asked of me. I walked in with head held high, and I left two inches taller than when I had come in. I was PROUD of myself... For the first time in *I don't know how long.*
This evening, I got the call. I got a part! With plenty of stage time, a handful of important lines, and OHMYGOSH A REAL PART IN A REAL PLAY FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE GRADUATING UNIVERSITY!!
This comes at an interesting time, because, as we all know, I've struggled very heavily with PTSD this year. I've gone through a great deal, and I've journeyed a long way to find inner peace and strength in my life. Additionally, as I mentioned before, I passed out behind the wheel on Friday and ran off the road, wrecking Hubby's car. This was the final straw for my current meds, which means I have to change them--tomorrow. I'm anticipating a couple of weeks where I'm not sure what I'm feeling, or where I feel very little (that's typically the case when I transition: I go a bit numb). I was feeling anxious about that, but now! NOW! I have something glorious to keep me on Cloud Nine for the next two months!!
My readers have seen me fluctuate heavily in the very recent past. First, I was bursting with inspiration and optimism. Next, I was in a pit of despair. Well, nearly killing myself on Friday gave me the final kick in the seat that I needed to get out and start to make things happen. No more excuses. If I want happiness, I have to go out and GET IT, instead of waiting for it to come to me. I spent ALL DAY Friday preparing for this audition, shopping for an appropriate outfit, hunting down my actin' shoes, planning my hair and makeup, taking self-portraits so I'd have something resembling a headshot, updating my horribly out-of-date and dusty resume... I turned a very scary moment into a moment of reawakening. It gave me the courage I needed to go out and TRY...
...And I succeeded! :D
So, of my 3 goals recently set (to lose 30 lbs, to get my voice back in shape, and to be on stage before the end of 2013), I am currently ACTIVELY working toward the first two, and I've managed to reach the third. The one that mattered the most to me is becoming a reality right before my eyes. I am coming back to the stage, and it feels like coming HOME.
I couldn't possibly be any happier than I am RIGHT NOW.
Dreams really DO come true!
Monday, January 9, 2012
Happiness
Happiness. It's so simple, to be happy. It's what everyone is ultimately seeking. We fall in love because we want to be happy, we have children because we want to be happy, we eat to be happy, we sleep to be happy, we pick out our clothes to be happy... Everything seems to boil down to happiness, whether in tiny bits or in abundance.
Sadly, all too often, we stand in the way of our own happiness. We make decisions that we know will blow up in our faces, we seek out things that might make us happy in the short-term but that will cause suffering in the long-term. We gamble the happiness we have in favor of the promise of a greater happiness, which can be a dangerous wager. I know there have been countless times in my life when I've turned a blind eye to my own happiness because I thought I wanted more, or because I thought being unhappy was somehow preferable to just living a simple, happy life. I've grown past that now. I recognize the beauty in my life, however simple it may seem, and I am embracing it. I have learned to cherish what I have and, while I still have dreams, I know better than to risk everything for something that might not make me happy in the end.
Some people, though, choose to revel in misery. They choose not to be happy with their lot, to be discontent, and even to bring others down with them. They are unhappy because they choose to be, and, as long as they're miserable, they may as well have as much company as they can get. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they sabotage, they manipulate, they take, they punish, and they bully. They do absolutely anything in their power to bring misery to others because it just doesn't seem fair that others should be happy when they themselves aren't.
Those people know who they are. If you're reading this, you know if you're more of a happy person or a miserable person, and you know what choices you tend toward. Of course, almost everybody is some combination of both, because people just aren't perfect.... But there IS a choice. A choice to be happy and spread happiness, or a choice to be miserable and to spread misery.
Personally, I chose to be happy, and what do you know? Happiness overwhelmed me. As long as I continue to choose happiness, no one can take that away from me. But if you choose misery... Well, it's not difficult to beat down someone who's already crawling in the dirt.
I challenge you all to evaluate your lives and choose happiness. Choose to be grateful for what you have instead of envious of that which you don't. Choose to love those in your life instead of pushing people away. Choose to be happy, and you might just surprise yourself with just how happy you find yourself to be.
Sadly, all too often, we stand in the way of our own happiness. We make decisions that we know will blow up in our faces, we seek out things that might make us happy in the short-term but that will cause suffering in the long-term. We gamble the happiness we have in favor of the promise of a greater happiness, which can be a dangerous wager. I know there have been countless times in my life when I've turned a blind eye to my own happiness because I thought I wanted more, or because I thought being unhappy was somehow preferable to just living a simple, happy life. I've grown past that now. I recognize the beauty in my life, however simple it may seem, and I am embracing it. I have learned to cherish what I have and, while I still have dreams, I know better than to risk everything for something that might not make me happy in the end.
Some people, though, choose to revel in misery. They choose not to be happy with their lot, to be discontent, and even to bring others down with them. They are unhappy because they choose to be, and, as long as they're miserable, they may as well have as much company as they can get. They lie, they cheat, they steal, they sabotage, they manipulate, they take, they punish, and they bully. They do absolutely anything in their power to bring misery to others because it just doesn't seem fair that others should be happy when they themselves aren't.
Those people know who they are. If you're reading this, you know if you're more of a happy person or a miserable person, and you know what choices you tend toward. Of course, almost everybody is some combination of both, because people just aren't perfect.... But there IS a choice. A choice to be happy and spread happiness, or a choice to be miserable and to spread misery.
Personally, I chose to be happy, and what do you know? Happiness overwhelmed me. As long as I continue to choose happiness, no one can take that away from me. But if you choose misery... Well, it's not difficult to beat down someone who's already crawling in the dirt.
I challenge you all to evaluate your lives and choose happiness. Choose to be grateful for what you have instead of envious of that which you don't. Choose to love those in your life instead of pushing people away. Choose to be happy, and you might just surprise yourself with just how happy you find yourself to be.
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