Friday, February 3, 2012

Pent Up

My therapist asked me why I don't use my blog to unload some of my emotions. You see, they've been tumultuous and overwhelming for weeks, but I've held them in so long that I can't cry and release them. They've manifested as a large ball of tension in my chest that makes breathing difficult and painful. The good news is that nothing's boiling over; I'm not having erratic outbursts or inappropriate emotional displays... I'm simply... not emoting. When I damn well should be. So he suggested that I use my blog to talk about what I'm feeling... And he's right, I should. I never intended to censor myself on here (well, that's not entirely true; it is my aim to have this be a blog that parents don't have to worry about their kids stumbling across, so I try not to get too graphic or vulgar). I wanted this to be a place where other people who are experiencing some of what I'm experiencing can go to find solace and comfort in the knowledge that they're not alone in their emotions. By necessity, that means writing about all of these emotions... But I can't. Not just yet. I have to hold them in just a little bit longer, until the time is right. Soon, I will be able to open up again and let loose with the floodgates. I feel fairly certain I will be able to cry again soon. So soon I can almost reach out and touch it... ...Just not quite yet.

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